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2 days ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

As an open, sensitive human being, life will inevitably bring experience to us that we are not able to consciously embody, tend to, and digest. In this way, trauma is experience (psychic, emotional, and somatic) that we cannot bear.

Life at times is unbearable. We all know this, some of us in more devastating ways than others.

The experience of trauma is not evidence that there is something fundamentally wrong with us but that we are alive. That we have a nervous system and a heart and brain and body that is rippling with life.

The journey of re-embodying, very slowly, according to a timeline that is unique for us and whispered to us from beyond, is one that is laid out before us all. To provide breath where no breath was found. To bring warmth to the frozen. To provide sanctuary for the grief, the rage, the pain, the blood, and the tears.

To discover a larger context in which we can make sense of our experience in a new way. To find meaning, somehow, where it had originally been shattered.

While we cannot always hold what is given, we may discover that we are always being held. But the nature of this holding is of the mystery and we must each discover its essence and qualities in the fire of our own experience.

We cannot integrate love, for it is just too vast for that. But it can and is always integrating us.

While it can feel so overwhelming at times, new pathways can be unearthed in the psyche and new grooves can be laid down in a tender, responsive, and flexible nervous system. A new story can be told. A new dream can be dreamed. New cloth can be woven. We can receive a new vision. We can imagine ourselves, others, and the world in a new way.

It is possible. I have been honored to witness this reorganization in the lives of many courageous women and men over the years. It is heartbreaking and heart-expanding. It is not easy and asks everything of us.

It is an act of mercy, kindness, and compassion to remind one another of this revolutionary possibility, especially during times of struggle, that there is hope. Even in the core of the most profound hopelessness, a small light of hope is buried there, the flame is still alive.

Photo by Ilona/ Couleur
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1 month ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

Lieve mensen, met trots stellen we ons aan jullie voor! Want wat doen we nou eigenlijk met onze praktijk? Waar kun je onze hulp bij vragen?
De komende tijd zullen we onze agenda op de site weer aanvullen, want er komt een cursus aan, het vrouw-zijn-traject en nog wat andere mooie evenementen.
Verder ben je natuurlijk welkom voor persoonlijke begeleiding. En sport je bij Il Fiore dan kun je daar iedere zaterdagochtend terecht voor een meditatie cirkel genaamd Presence.
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Goed uitgedragen, prachtig!! Succes!!

Wat een mooi filmpje !

Oh heerlijk filmpje ❤

Duidelijke tekst zet je aan het denken

Dit is waar veel mensen in zitten dan is dit een goede oplosing

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1 month ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

Het leven kan soms echt overweldigend voelen. En wat doe je dan? Ga je mee en laat je je meeslepen door alles heen, alsof alles je maar overkomt? Voel je je dan slachtoffer van je omstandigheden en ben je aan het watertrappelen en zwaaien met je handen om houvast buiten je te vinden? En wat als die houvast maar tijdelijk is en daarna wegglipt, wat dan? Ben je verbitterd, boos, teleurgesteld?

Maar er zijn andere manieren! Ja! Ik heb afgelopen maanden daad bij mijn woord mogen voegen en alles wat ik tot dan toe geleerd en ervaren had echt nog dieper in de praktijk kunnen brengen. En het is zo magisch, mooi, verrijkend, verdrietig, steeds weer zuiverend en in beweging tot meer authenticiteit. Die weg leer ik niet alleen, ik ga hem ook zelf. ❤

Heb jij hulp nodig bij jouw gevoelens van angst, onzekerheid, weinig zelfliefde? Voel je je niet fijn in je lijf of heb je er uberhaupt weinig contact mee? Er zijn manieren, belichaamd en jouw eigen wijsheid volgend, die jou brengen naar meer zelfliefde, vertrouwen en levenslust!

Www.innerlijkeaandacht.nl
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Het leven kan soms echt overweldigend voelen. En wat doe je dan? Ga je mee en laat je je meeslepen door alles heen, alsof alles je maar overkomt? Voel je je dan slachtoffer van je omstandigheden en ben je aan het watertrappelen en zwaaien met je handen om houvast buiten je te vinden? En wat als die houvast maar tijdelijk is en daarna wegglipt, wat dan? Ben je verbitterd, boos, teleurgesteld? 

Maar er zijn andere manieren! Ja! Ik heb afgelopen maanden daad bij mijn woord mogen voegen en alles wat ik tot dan toe geleerd en ervaren had echt nog dieper in de praktijk kunnen brengen. En het is zo magisch, mooi, verrijkend, verdrietig, steeds weer zuiverend en in beweging tot meer authenticiteit. Die weg leer ik niet alleen, ik ga hem ook zelf. ❤

Heb jij hulp nodig bij jouw gevoelens van angst, onzekerheid, weinig zelfliefde? Voel je je niet fijn in je lijf of heb je er uberhaupt weinig contact mee? Er zijn manieren, belichaamd en jouw eigen wijsheid volgend, die jou brengen naar meer zelfliefde, vertrouwen en levenslust! 

Www.innerlijkeaandacht.nl

Comment on Facebook

Heel mooi 💚🙏 Dank je wel alvast 🙂... Misschien dat als ik er ooit niet zelf uitkom (uit een gevoel of gebeurtenis) of verdieping wens, ga zien of jij nog mensen helpt, het lijkt me helpend fijn om met jouw de situatie te bekijken en te overzien wat dat met me doet en wat te doen 🙂 zoiets ...fijn dat je er voor mensen wilt zijn...dmv zelfliefde en wellicht een levensover en inzicht 💚💚💚

Zo is het. Pak die kans zou ik zeggen. Je bent bij Tracy en Jay in goede handen.

Van wrijven gaat het glanzen, mooi ❤️

1 month ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

Mooi interview.
Tijdens Vrouw-Zijn zul je ook zeker op een integere manier stappen zetten om te gaan ontdekken wat seksualiteit en sensualiteit voor jou betekent en hoe je jezelf meer kunt uitnodigen tot authenticiteit. Ook wat jouw verlangens betreft. Dat is zo openend op alle gebieden van je leven... juist omdat het zo een basisgebied is en waar tegelijk zoveel taboe op zit.

Happinez Magazine
In de eerste aflevering van een nieuw seizoen Words of Wisdom vertelt sekscoach Jessica Graham over de betekenis van mindful seks en het hebben van mindblowing seks. Een inspirerend interview met persoonlijke verhalen en praktische tips.
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2 months ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

ADVAITA TEACHERS, WAKE UP!

“I am Pure Awareness. The Unmoving Subject of experience. That which never changes. I am Consciousness itself”.

It may be true, on an absolute level. But try saying that to your partner, when he or she stands in front of you, demanding your human heart, your truth, your vulnerability, your brokenness and your courage, your fire, your sorrow, your fear, your rawness and your awkward authenticity.

I have seen too many spiritual teachers attempting to avoid deep human connection and intimacy using spiritual concepts, non-dual language and brilliant verbal gymnastics.

I have been guilty of this "spiritual bypassing" in my time too, as I have written about. (I once argued with my mother for hours about the non-existence of the tree she was pointing to. Oops.)

Once, a teacher of Advaita literally said to me, “Jeff, this teaching of non-duality has NOTHING to do with relationship”.

Oh, I respectfully and profoundly disagree, sir. This teaching has everything to do with relationship. Relationship with our deepest self, with the fucking ground, with our genitals and our guts and our feet, with hearts calling out to other hearts, with the loneliness and longing of a billion billion beings, with the One in front of us, begging for connection.

Awareness cannot detach itself from all that arises. The many is the One. We are air but we are also fire.

Yes - on some unspeakable and mysterious level we are all the same Awareness.

But - we are also gorgeously messy human beings, imperfect, unfinished, traumatised to the extent that we are traumatised. Realizing that we are Awareness does not change this fact. In fact, realization only makes us more acutely aware of the subtleties of our humanness than ever. More willing to be raw, vulnerable, naked. To admit that we do not know, to admit our mistakes, to admit that we are forever learning. To cry, to shake, to speak our terrifying human truth, to reveal our mess.

When there is less to defend, we can connect more deeply than ever.

When teachings of Awareness become detached from healthy shame – that is, our human imperfections, our vulnerability, our awe and our wonder, our fallibility, our not knowing and our tender hearts – they only become teachings of violence, toxic teachings taught by toxic teachers (man of them men) who are trying to avoid their own pain, shame and trauma.

I speak not to judge individuals, but to illuminate a collective misunderstanding.

I once saw a “nondual” teacher approached by a courageous woman who was going through a profound life transition.

She said, “I have deep anxiety in my belly”.

He replied, without compassion, “You are still attached to your body, still identified with the separate self".

In his drive to be an expert, he missed her heart - and belly - completely.

She was crushed after this interaction, even more anxious and disconnected than before. I gave her a big hug and let her tell her story. She wept, her anxiety diminished, and she felt whole again. Love is not difficult. Vulnerability is not shameful - it can heal us.

I saw the terrible dogma of Advaita. The vilification of the “separate self”. The denial and shaming of human pain and trauma. I saw how teachings of Awareness can be used – by the most brilliant of minds – to crush our humanity, numb our vulnerability, silence our sweet doubt and annihilate our exquisite fear.

This is why I quit as a “nonduality teacher” many years ago. Truth cannot be found in any dogma, and for many, sadly, nonduality has become just another dogma. I have written extensively about this.

Personally, I am deeply in love with this yummy mess of humanity. I am in profound relationship - yes, relationship - with shaky hearts, fluttery bellies, yearning and confusion and anxiety too. I see none of it as separate from nonduality, none of it as some “sign” that we are failing, or not yet “fully realized”. I see all of it as deeply sacred; I believe it is deep in this ordinary sacredness that we find our true freedom.

- Jeff Foster
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2 months ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

“BUT I HATE MEDITATION!”

In meditation, your only ‘job’ is to be curious about what arises.
Don’t try to get rid of any aspect of your experience.
Your crazy thoughts – just watch them.
Uncomfortable feelings – just breathe with them.
Cry with them. Laugh with them.
The part of you that hates meditation – be interested in it, too!
The child in you who can’t sit still.
Who wants to be somewhere else.
Who feels ashamed or guilty for thinking ‘unspiritual’ thoughts or feeling ‘negative’ feelings and impulses.
Who feels the burning desire to run away and do something else.
Welcome him with open arms.
Breathe him into love and breathe love into him.

In meditation, even the unwanted is wanted; even your resistance is sacred!

- Jeff Foster
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2 months ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

HONESTY...

...doesn’t mean simply vomiting out your “uncensored truth” to anyone who will listen.

“Sharing your feelings” is NOT actually always the kindest or most conscious thing to do.

Yes, let’s be “real” with each other. Let’s come out of hiding and reveal our authenticity. Let's break the spell of shame in relationship.

But – and this is crucial - let’s also develop discernment.

Sensitivity to what we need, yes - but also a great and powerful sensitivity to where the other person is, a profound care about THEIR inner life.

Otherwise “I’m only sharing MY raw truth!”
is simply narcissism in disguise.

It’s not always loving to “share” your deepest feelings – your grief, your anger, your fear, your pain, your profound realizations – with someone who hasn’t signed up to receive, or isn’t able to receive, or, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to receive, or doesn’t have the capacity to receive.

We need to be very respectful and aware of other people’s boundaries, feelings and needs. THEIR willingness to receive our truth. Their ability to listen. How they manage their time. What they can handle on any given day. Their own pain and trauma. The demons they are secretly fighting (the ones we may never know about). Who they feel close to, and safe with.

We need to learn to ASK before we mindlessly splurge our stories, share our private inner lives, speak our deepest traumas, express our “raw and uncensored truth” to another.

Otherwise we are just dumping our sacred inner world on them, using them as a receptacle for our pain, our fear, our loneliness and the unmetabolized regions of our psyche. This is not kind, for the other person, and ultimately for ourselves.

Because our holy innards deserve a safe and committed holding environment.

And we can never demand that someone else “listens” to us.

We have to ask. Out loud. And be willing to hear the response.

Yes, let’s be “honest and real” with each other. Let’s tell our unvarnished truth… to those who are open and willing and ready and able to listen, to those who have signed up for this sacred work. A therapist. A good friend. A partner. A family member. Someone who has explicitly committed to offering their time and listening to us in this way.

Yes, let’s “speak our truth”. But let’s also learn when to stop talking. And breathe. And listen. And open our awareness in a different way. Ask about the other person. Find out what they want, and need, and are able to offer. Get deliciously curious about their world.

Do not assume anything! Unspoken assumptions and expectations destroy relationship. Ask. Ask if they are willing to hear OUR cry. And be open to their response, which may be disappointing.

Be willing to be disappointed, too.
Disappointment itself can be a pathway to love.

It’s NOT always about "speaking our feelings". There is a time for speaking, and a time for silence. A time for sharing our deepest inner life, and a time for listening too. A time for being together, and a time for being alone.

A time for coming closer, and a time for giving each other space.

A time for "telling our raw truth", and a time for.... well, not telling it at all. Sometimes THAT is the kindest thing.

Here is the dance and mystery of relationship, and we are all invited.

- Jeff Foster
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2 months ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

HONESTY...

...doesn’t mean simply vomiting out your “uncensored truth” to anyone who will listen.

“Sharing your feelings” is NOT actually always the kindest or most conscious thing to do.

Yes, let’s be “real” with each other. Let’s come out of hiding and reveal our authenticity. Let's break the spell of shame in relationship.

But – and this is crucial - let’s also develop discernment.

Sensitivity to what we need, yes - but also a great and powerful sensitivity to where the other person is, a profound care about THEIR inner life.

Otherwise “I’m only sharing MY raw truth!”
is simply narcissism in disguise.

It’s not always loving to “share” your deepest feelings – your grief, your anger, your fear, your pain, your profound realizations – with someone who hasn’t signed up to receive, or isn’t able to receive, or, for whatever reason, doesn’t want to receive, or doesn’t have the capacity to receive.

We need to be very respectful and aware of other people’s boundaries, feelings and needs. THEIR willingness to receive our truth. Their ability to listen. How they manage their time. What they can handle on any given day. Their own pain and trauma. The demons they are secretly fighting (the ones we may never know about). Who they feel close to, and safe with.

We need to learn to ASK before we mindlessly splurge our stories, share our private inner lives, speak our deepest traumas, express our “raw and uncensored truth” to another.

Otherwise we are just dumping our sacred inner world on them, using them as a receptacle for our pain, our fear, our loneliness and the unmetabolized regions of our psyche. This is not kind, for the other person, and ultimately for ourselves.

Because our holy innards deserve a safe and committed holding environment.

And we can never demand that someone else “listens” to us.

We have to ask. Out loud. And be willing to hear the response.

Yes, let’s be “honest and real” with each other. Let’s tell our unvarnished truth… to those who are open and willing and ready and able to listen, to those who have signed up for this sacred work. A therapist. A good friend. A partner. A family member. Someone who has explicitly committed to offering their time and listening to us in this way.

Yes, let’s “speak our truth”. But let’s also learn when to stop talking. And breathe. And listen. And open our awareness in a different way. Ask about the other person. Find out what they want, and need, and are able to offer. Get deliciously curious about their world.

Do not assume anything! Unspoken assumptions and expectations destroy relationship. Ask. Ask if they are willing to hear OUR cry. And be open to their response, which may be disappointing.

Be willing to be disappointed, too.
Disappointment itself can be a pathway to love.

It’s NOT always about "speaking our feelings". There is a time for speaking, and a time for silence. A time for sharing our deepest inner life, and a time for listening too. A time for being together, and a time for being alone.

A time for coming closer, and a time for giving each other space.

A time for "telling our raw truth", and a time for.... well, not telling it at all. Sometimes THAT is the kindest thing.

Here is the dance and mystery of relationship, and we are all invited.

- Jeff Foster
... See MoreSee Less

3 months ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

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3 months ago

Innerlijke Aandacht

Companionship and befriending

Beyond all the theories, conflicting approaches, interventions, techniques, and strategies, for me companionship is a process of bearing witness to the life of another as they come to befriend themselves in a way that was not possible until now. To excavate meaning where there was none, to find purpose in the core of the purposelessness, breath where there was no breath to be found.

This befriending is not ordinary or passive, not always flowing and peaceful. It is fierce, on fire, and an act of revolution. It is the light shining out of the core of the dark night, the outrageousness of the human spirit, and the basic goodness of the human heart.

To walk into the dark wood, into the disorienting and hopeless places, without knowing where the journey will lead, if we will make it out in one piece, or where new life will be found. Making sense together of where they have been, who they see themselves to be, and what they are longing to become. To illuminate what matters most to them and cradle it in our shared heart. To help them gather the pieces of the broken world.

To proclaim their experience as utterly valid, their feelings as ragingly honorable and intelligent, that they are worthy of love as they are. That despite the pain of the present, the traumas of the past, and the fragmented dreams of the future we will dare to reclaim the aspects, parts, and pieces of the soul that have been turned from, now longing to return home.

We will assert together that pain is not pathology, that they need not be "cured" in order for us to stay near, that their suffering is authentic, that their hopelessness well-founded. Even their doubt is holy when allowed into the inner sanctum. What they are is not some project to be improved, but a mystery to be lived.

And then, from that foundation of companionship and bearing witness to the sacredness of what a human being truly is—including the profound grief, despair, and moments of great joy—we are able to turn together into the unknown and bow before its immensity.

It is awesome, in the truest sense of the word, to bear witness in this way. To fall to the ground in the beholding of God in action, of the unstoppable wild bravery of the human spirit, and the relentlessness and creativity of love as it makes its way into form.

Photo credit: James Estrin/ New York Times
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